Monday, November 12, 2012

My New Method: Proof of Progress

So as I ponder what direction to go with my blog, I can't help but reflect on the countless prayers I have had with my Heavenly Father, practically begging him to help me get 'unstuck'.  What I mean by "stuck" is the fact that progress and me don't seem to get along very well. I tend to wish and dream about what I want to do, but doing it is quite another story.  So back to my prayers. I couldn't tell you how many times I have been on my knees crying to God to help me move forward in my life. To accomplish the countless (no literally) goals I have.

Just as the nature of our faithful Father in heaven, he always answered, and the answer was always the same. Quit trying to do 500 things at once. Write your goals down. Pick one and do it. THEN try something else. And I feel peace for a few hours, maybe even a few days. Then I get impatient that more things are getting accomplished that I want. I think to myself "well, I can handle two goals. I mean, they're just little ones". Then I take on another goal or two and get overwhelmed and quit. Ugh. I get so envious of those people who can just want to do something and do it. What super powers do they have and where can I get that?!  Sadly, here I still trying to form many of the same habits that I have been trying to form from 5 years ago. Again, literally.

Realistically, there has been SOME progress. I now have my Associates degree, and I'm half way to my Bachelors. I have really expanded my talents at cooking. I cook a lot, and I'm pretty good at it. This is something you will probably see me post a lot about.

BUT (and there is always a but, right?) it's never enough to me. I always look at what's left to do instead of what's done.  And there is many things left to do. So. Many. Goals!  Without keeping track of them and what I've done, it's really hard to define progress.  Which takes me back to my prayers...pick a goal. Write it down. And do it. Then I can check the block. Done. Goal accomplished. Progress made.

Nothing is more motivating than that right? That gratifying feeling of actually doing something challenging? But it's so easy to forget. But not any more, because NOW I will have written visible proof of progress. No more negativity. When I feeling discouraged and my failed perfectionism gets me down, I can reflect on my many posts here and see how far I've really come. And I am a firm believer that weaknesses can become strengthens so this right here, my readers, may be the beginning of something very big in my life.  So what's next? Goals, so stay tuned. 

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Baby Step #1

Welp, here it is. My blog. While I'm hoping to make this blog entertaining and even a little enlightening, I want to give you fair warning that this may not be one of those blogs demonstrating how naturally talented and creative I am, because life really doesn't come that easy for me. I'm just...well, ordinary. In fact, I am a pretty (alright, really) bad procrastinator, and it seems like I have a natural aversion to accomplishing anything.

This is something I've REALLY been trying to work on, which is really what I wanted to create this blog about. I think I'm one of the people on Pinterest that spends hours a day fantasizing about what everyone else does, while thinking, "Wow! I wish I had the time/talent/resources/energy to do that. Maybe someday after     (fill in the blank)   ."  But someday doesn't come, and whatever that blank was came and went.

I have this burning desire in my heart, a obsessive drive in my soul to achieve.  I want to be great at literally everything, and I beat myself up for not doing it.  I want to be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect housekeeper, the perfect Christian, the perfect chef, the perfect friend; I want to be perfectly organized, and perfectly prepared, and perfectly patient, and perfectly healthy, and in perfect shape.....your getting the picture, right?  And while all my goals are nobles ones, my irrationally high standards become crippling to me to the point where most things seem to hopeless to even try. Silly I know, but that is life in my world.

 I'm pretty sure when most people think of perfectionists, they think of people who are really organized and do everything right. I doubt to many people think of the failing perfectionists like me who who to desperately want to be a perfectionist to the point of obsession....but it never gets executed. Like ever.

My 'perfectionism' involves me tossing around an idea for months.  I'll probably talk about it to my mom and my husband. Maybe a few close friends. I'll plan out every little detail in my head until there is nothing left to figure out, every t has been crossed, and every i has been dotted.  IF I managed to mitigate the complications, I give it a whirl (which usually end in a failed attempt) but realistically most things never make it past a whim *sigh*

So I guess now that I've talked about my blog for months and thought about it 3 times that, I guess it's time to take a leap.  BUT I'm hoping with my blog that I will get a small 'support group'. if you will, to help encourage me in my journey and keep me from giving up.  Of course, in return I will share my progress of what worked for me and maybe even what didn't, and hopefully inspire others who may need a little coaxing. So let's saddle up, and let the journey begin.

Wanna-be Molly

"I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome" - author unknown